I wish life had come with a rewind button...
I am feeling so much like crap these days, and I just want to burrow myself down deep below something and rot there. My mood is horrible, I'm so depressed that I want to just shoot myself, and I'm so insanely lonely that it physically hurts to breathe. And yet I can't seem to find the strength to do anything about it, so I just sit here in my misery and cry.
It feels like no one sees me, or hears me, and I'm left all alone with my pain.
Needless to say, it hurts like a bitch...
Just like I knew it would, my birthday still bothers me. I wish I could just go back in time and do it all over, so that it wouldn't hurt as much when I think about it. It was a complete and utter failure, and possibly the worst birthday I've ever had in my entire life. The entire week before it was horrible, the day before it was a complete catastrophe, the actual day was lonely and miserable, while the day after was just empty. I never really celebrated it, and neither did anyone else. Got some texts on my cellphone, and some greetings on facebook, but that's about it. Had coffee the day after, with a cake, and I got presents from all of my parents, my brother and my grandparents. The rest of the world? Didn't seem to care. Didn't get as much as a card or anything from the rest of my family or friends.
So yeah, I wish I could go back in time and celebrate it. Maybe turn it into a good memory instead of a bad one. Right now I just feel like drowning myself every time I think about it. Well, these days I just feel like drowning myself no matter what I do...
Why does it always have to be like this? I'm so tired now. So tired of feeling miserable and alone, and so tired of feeling like no one sees me. It feels like I'm screaming at a wall. Nobody's listening... I want to run away. Just disappear. See if anyone even notice that I'm gone... Or even care. It's not like I'm needed here anyway. No one ever needs me. No one ever has. I'm just a flaw in this world's design, an unwanted extra addition no one needs. That's the way it's always been.
I just don't get it. Why do I even bother? I try, and try, and try so hard, but nothing I do matters. So why do I keep on trying? Why am I that stupid?
Why can't I just leave? Just take off, and leave everything behind.
Right now, that's all I really want.
There just isn't any point in staying here anymore...
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Stawkler alert... i need you... ja ok det gjor det vel ikke bedre.. unskyld. e ha lest heile bloggen din og hunte ned alle andre ting du gjær fordi e like å gjær det, ja du e ein merkelig skapning, og det e det e like ved deg. du gjer og like ting ikke mange andre gjær, ivertfal ikke mange heromkring. Du tegne usansynelig nydelige figure å lage historie tel karakteran på ein måte som ingen andre klar. du kler på deg klær for å utrykk deg og det e beundringsverdig i seg selv. Du har ein fantastisk fantasi som utfolde seg på papiret. har så løst å hjelp deg å tegn men e tør ikke, fordi e e red de ikke ska va bra nok for å gjenspeil kem du e.
SvarSlette beklager for at du ikke hadde ein bra bursdag. e huske når e hang lame han Edgar så planla vi å lag ei eske forme som ein stor nøkel tel deg. sorry ideen aldri kom ut i praksis, for den trur e du villa ha likt, forme som ein stor gamel nøkkel med ein drage og ein ulv karve inn og med rød fløyel på insiden. (>".")>
E har fåt med meg at du ska leges inn. e ha vært det et par ganger. så hvis du vil ha nån overlevelses tips e det bare å spør =)