The world on ignore

Bad day, and I don't even know why.

I've been really down for weeks now, but today the world just decided to slap my depression in my face, for no real reason at all, and it made me hate it even more. I think maybe I just need that big ignore button and push it back in the face of the world. Today, and probably for a while onwards, I'm just gonna ignore its existence and focus on something else.

I don't even know what my problem is anymore, aside from the fact that I just generally don't get along with the world. I've never felt like I've fitted in, and I've longed for other worlds my entire life. Sometimes it just comes to a point where I've had enough, and need a break. Dunno how you take a break from the world, tho...

I think maybe it's cause it's weekend. I hate weekends. I sit alone and stare at the computer screen with nothing to do, and it just helps to add to the feeling of being utterly alone and that I have no life here. I have no friends I can spend time with, cause I grow tired of people after no time at all, and I just don't feel like I've got anyone here that I can turn to when I need some love and attention. Everyone's got their perfect little circles of loved ones, and I just feel left out. I envy them. I wish I could have such close relationships to people, and be able to just go out and have fun with someone. Instead I'm left here alone, in a tiny apartment, with nothing but my own miserable company.

And we all know how much I hate my own company.

*sigh* I need something good in my life. Something that cheers me up and make me feel good. But the way I grow so quickly tired of things, as well as people, I really don't see that happening any time soon, if at all.

I have no path. No real reason to exist. I feel like a big ugly lump on the world's ass, to put it in a nice way. I just don't feel like I belong, or have any real reason to be here. And every now and then, that feeling gets so intense that it becomes plain unbearable. And that's when I just need to put everything on ignore and nurse my newly opened wounds. It's like they'll never heal at all...

I'm just one big open wound, infected by dirt.

I'm tired of it all.