Long time no write

Yeah, I know, I totally suck at this blog thing. -.-;

A lot have been going on in my life, so I just haven't gotten around to writing anything of intelligence in here, and so I've ended up neglecting this place. I am a horrible blogger, I know. ;_; But I'll try and improve, I swear.

~

So, what's new in life? Well, I don't even know where to begin... First off, my health maybe?

My back is killing me, but that's totally my own fault for adopting the most idiotic way to sit when I'm gaming. Straight. *shakes head* And the headaches are very bipolar with me, though I suppose that ain't news. I'm regularly going to the physio, but we haven't detected too much improvement, unfortunately. I might get directed to a different kind of physio later, to see if that helps. And I also need a new appointment with the doctor, cause apparently I need to get some check ups according to the cancer register. Fun stuff.


Mentally, there are news. I am now diagnosed!

After a lot of questions answered, they've finally decided on some proper diagnoses for me, so I actually know what's wrong. Apparently I have three major personality disorders, as well as a reoccurring depression and general anxiety issues. I might also be bipolar, but they wanted to check me some more before setting that diagnose. I have started on anti-depressives to help against the depression, but the personality disorders aren't as easy to treat. You can't be medicated for a personality disorder, nor really treated for it, cause it's a part of your personality. The only way to "get well" would be to change my entire personality and the way I think, which isn't something that is easy to do...

The personality disorders I've been diagnosed with is Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Dependent Disorder and Avoidant Disorder, whereof the latter is my main diagnose and one of my biggest problems. Though they all make my life rather difficult to live, cause they affect me rather badly, it's the Avoidant Disorder that really screws things up for me.

But, if nothing else, getting this diagnose have helped me understand that it's not my "fault" that I am the way I am. I really should try to stop feeling bad about being sick, because I honestly can't help it. It's not like I choose to be this way.


I suppose I am slowly building my strength these days. My medication is still not working, cause I am still extremely down most of the time and I have absolutely no energy at all, but at least they have now determined that I am no longer suicidal. I can actually stand to breathe, and be awake and a part of the world, even if it's painful. And I am finding moments where I can smile and laugh about something, and actually mean it for once. I'm not just pretending for the sake of those around me. Those moments are rare, very rare, but they are there. And that is good enough for me.


Life otherwise is going slow. I am not doing much, don't have the energy for anything and I'm down most of the time, so there's not much to write. I'm just... Here.

Oh, but I did get some good news today!

The real estate agent called me and told me that the papers finally got through and that I am now the official owner of the apartment! The papers had been heavily delayed, so we were worried that it would take several months for me to take over the place, but by the looks of things I'll be able to start moving next week! Or, at least start painting the place. X3 Those were awesome news, and they really brightened up my day.

And tomorrow I am going to a birthday party. I'm extremely nervous, cause there will be a lot of people, and my anxiety is crap these days, but I at least want to try. Anything to get out of this damned basement...


Ugh, but my head is killing me right now. -.-

Hopefully I'll have some updates to write in a not too distant future.